The holidays are right around the corner and many folks are making plans to celebrate the season with friends and family. When you are coping with infertility, get-togethers can be an especially difficult time emotionally. The holidays serve to remind those with infertility issues that their family building dreams have not progressed the way they imagined; this is especially true at family gatherings. Seeing nieces and nephews or pregnant siblings is proof that things have not gone the way you might have planned. If you’re feeling a bit anxious thinking about the upcoming festivities, consider the following tips to help you cope…
BE READY FOR THE USUAL QUESTIONS
Questions about when you are planning to start your family or why you don’t have children may come up from friends and family, especially if they do not know about your infertility. Before you attend, talk to your partner about when and what to say. Together, you might want to come up with a standard answer to use. Being prepared for the questions that are bound to come your way will definitely help to reduce your stress.
DO NOT HESITATE TO STOP UNCOMFORTABLE OR AWKWARD CONVERSATIONS
Family dinners are often the scene of awkward or uncomfortable moments. Mealtime is often the time when someone feels the need to ask the inevitable question about when a couple is going to start their family. The family “experts” will offer unwanted advice, of course, about getting pregnant. While they mean well, it is certainly not the discussion you want to have during a family holiday celebration.
If a family discussion becomes uncomfortable, it is okay to change the subject. Sometimes a direct approach works; if it doesn’t, let them know (with a smile) that you do not want, or are not ready, to discuss and analyze the situation during the family celebration. Again, taking a moment ahead of time to decide what you are willing to discuss and how you can change the subject will go a long way in reducing the potential stress.
BE PREPARED FOR POSSIBLE PREGNANCY ANNOUNCEMENTS
Pregnancy announcements are often saved for special occasions and holiday gatherings; when everyone is together, it seems like the perfect place and time to mention the good news. Such announcements, whether direct or indirect, are never easy to deal with when you are trying so hard to conceive. Something as simple as a sister or cousin who arrives wearing maternity clothes and showing a baby bump can change your mood and enjoyment of the festivities.
While you may sincerely be happy for your family member or friend who is pregnant, you are likely to experience conflicting emotions, including sadness and shame. There is no need to feel guilty if you are sad; those feelings are natural under the circumstances. If you are overwhelmed with emotion, give yourself a time-out. Take a short walk, alone or with your partner, move to a different room, or take a bathroom break to compose yourself and to get past the moment.
SAY NO AND DON’T GO
Saying no to family get-togethers often seems impossible, especially if they are part of family holiday traditions. No one wants to hurt the feelings of the host and hostess. Mom and Dad may protest with gusto if you decline this year’s invitation to come for dinner or a party. You know your family and friends well enough to know whether the gathering will be overwhelming, especially if there are lots of babies and little ones attending.
If you have been through an especially difficult year and you are having trouble coping with infertility, you may need to switch it up this year. Consider doing what is best for you and your partner during the upcoming holiday season. If you have some extra vacation time available, it is not too late to plan an extended weekend getaway. You could even have a simple celebration with adult friends or make a quiet, but special, dinner at home. While parents and siblings may not be happy with your decision, avoiding stressful situations will be better for your mental health in the long run!
If you feel that it’s necessary to skip the family get-togethers this year, that’s okay. You may experience the need to leave early if you get stressed out, and that is okay as well. If you need to change the direction of a dinner conversation or take some time away from everyone, there is no need to feel bad about it. Take care of yourself and give yourself the gift of a stress-free holiday season.
If you are looking for more information regarding infertility, be sure to call the experienced staff at the Center of Reproductive Medicine today. CORM serves the greater southeast area of Texas with full-service fertility clinics in Houston, Webster, Beaumont, and a new satellite office in Pearland; the professional staff at CORM uses the latest techniques and procedures to help patients achieve the gift of a new life. The reproductive specialists and staff at Center of Reproductive Medicine understand the emotional toll that infertility takes on individuals and couples and will work closely with you to help you find the emotional support that you need during your infertility journey.